Ecuador

Attenborough loving South American nation fond of enacting legislation reminiscent of 1950s Ireland. Recently banned the sale of alcohol on Sundays, in order that men might spend more time at home with their families.

Used its position straddling the Equator to build a mildly-extravagant Equator-themed interpretive centre on a proudly-displayed, gaily-celebrated, arbitrary line some half a kilometre from the actual Equator.

Better at football than - but not as good at conservation as - it should be. 

Peru

Geographically-varied, coup-happy, dentally-challenged South American nation most famous for things accomplished by its natives a thousand years ago. Universally liked by all other South Americans, except the Chileans, themselves universally disliked by all other South Americans.

Despite a predilection for slow roasting household pets, very good at food. Less good at football than it should be. The two are probably related.

Paraguay

Land-locked South American country repeatedly thwarted in their attempts to snaffle a coastline. Most often by trying the long way through Bolivia and Peru. Not terribly famous or noteworthy for much at all, except playing football like Millwall.

Despite not being able to organise 16 bar staff to serve one pint in under 11 minutes, a group of Australians travelled half way round the world to Paraguay to set up an English-speaking (more or less) communist colony in the late 1800s. Noteworthy for being one of the world's first true attempts at Communism. By Australians. In Paraguay. Australians.

Colombia

Culturally and geographically diverse, coffee-rich South American cocaine factory struggling to impart to the world that it isn't as dangerous as everybody thinks. Largely because it is probably as dangerous as everybody thinks. Popular with dreadful American do-gooders who are not kidnapped by bandits anywhere near often enough.

Not as good at football as it should be. Good at shooting footballers who are not as good as they should be.

Nicaragua

Spectacular Central American reverse funnel for South American refugees to the equal-parts bland and dangerous U. S. of A. In some ways the Samsung of the Americas, good at coming up with ideas other local countries implement before they've had a chance. Significantly less dangerous and more fun than its reputation. Members of the Republican Party not generally welcome.

Production line for baseball players to the equal-parts bland and overpaid leagues of the U. S. of A. One of the only countries in the world with a national piece of furniture.

Venezuela

Oil-rich South American fat farm whose leader gives hope to the ambitions of parents of special needs children the world over. Has systematically ignored or industrially vandalised most of the stunning natural wonders within its borders. Unlike many of her Latin cousins, not very good at football. Or diplomacy. Or anything which requires any mental or physical application. Has produced a disproportionally high number of Miss Worlds, which will come as a shock to anyone who visits.

The happiest Venezuelans live outside Venezuela.

Uruguay

Gaucho-obsessed Eastern Argentine province whose natives have a habit of burning nearby Buenos Aires to the ground. Good at beating people at football they probably shouldn't be beating. Bad at engaging with other Latin Americans on any meaningful level that doesn't involve football.

Largely overlooked by travellers to South America, most South Americans and many Uruguayans.

Argentina

Meat-obsessed South American land popular with escapees. Decades of investment clashing with Latin American temperament has led to a shiny new looking country where nothing works. Good at football and niggling English people, usually about football.

Vegan and international debt unfriendly.

Brazil

Vast and varied South American resource farm historically blighted by poor management. Better at football than anyone else in the world. Larger and more diverse than Australia, it has a good reputation for beach holidays, and a an unjustified bad one for just about everything else.

Once booted eccentric Portuguese Emperor out having nick-named him Pedro Bananas.